LARRY DONN writes for Now Dig This
ELVIS FOOD
I recently caught most of a television show about the food Elvis ate,
and I thought you might like a summary. For one reason or another, I
neglected to include in my notes the producers of the programme or the
channel it was on, but I guess if any of them read this, they'll know
who they are. I learned nothing that shakes the earth, but there were
several photographs I hadn't seen before. Much of the programme
featured interviews with neighbours and friends of Elvis in and around
Tupelo, Mississippi, and revealed that as a child, Elvis ate squirrels,
(o') possums, pig's feet, pig's ears, sweet potatoes, turnip greens and
cornbread, and that's just the high spots. (I'm sure the omission of
pig brains and scrambled eggs was just an oversight.) These are
basically the same foods I grew up on, except I never ate a possum and I
don't care much for turnip greens, sweet potatoes or conbread. (What
kind of a southerner are you anyway, Gillihan, if you don't like
southern food??) Fortunately, beans and potatoes are also southern food,
not to mention sausage and milk gravy, but I don't like grits or
chit-lins (grits come from corn, and chit'lins, or chitterlings, are the
boiled intestines of animals.)
Much of what I heard on the programme was familiar, as the Presley
family lived much like we did, as well as almost everyone else in the
rural south who wasn't rich. One Tupelo lady spoke about how people
used to take food to church on Sunday and have a picnic outside after
services, then go back inside and sing all afternoon. She said Vernon,
Gladys and Elvis were almost always there, joining in the singing.
Another said Elvis carried his guitar everywhere he went, but no word on
whether he took it to church. A cook at Humes High School said Elvis
liked "sloppy joes", which is a ground beef mixed with barbecue-like
sauce. I've eaten many of them, but it doesn't take long to get enough
for awhile.
One fellow said Elvis should have had someone to teach him to eat "good
food", but he probably eats snails and other garden creatures and
clearly has no conception of what good food actually is. It was
mentioned that Elvis had a tremendous appetite and felt that he had to
keep up his energy for the shows, and that he didn't like to go out to
restaurants. A lady at the Gridiron Restaurant in Memphis (I've been
there a few times but I can't remember the exact location... somewhere
down town, near Union Avenue, I think) said Elvis came in a lot, wearing
work clothes (like a mechanic might wear) and ate hamburgers, and almost
nobody ever recognised him. A man who went to school with Elvis said he
did not get kicked off the football team for wearing sideburns, as has
been reported. He said he quit because he had to work to get money for
food. He said Elvis told him he was hungry. Mary Jenkins, who cooked
for Elvis at Graceland for many years, said somebody told her she was a
fast cook. She replied, "When you cook for Elvis Presley, you have to
be fast!" She also said Elvis ate with his fingers a lot (but not
pudding, I presume).
Dr. Nichopolous said his job was to help controll Elvis' weight, but
that Elvis didn't like diets and he didn't like exercise. He also
mentioned that for a week before his death, Elvis had been on a diet of
nothing but Jello (a brand of gelatin pudding). Billy Stanley said Elvis
liked country living and wanted Graceland to be like a plantation. He
told of a pig they had around the estate for a while that suddenly
disappeared. One day at breakfast, he asked Vernon what happened to the
pig, "We're eating him", Vernon replied.
Someone told a story of how Elvis heard about a restaurant in Denver
that made great peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, so he flew to Denver
and had twnety-two of them delivered to the runway, then flew back to
Memphis. Another said he once dieted on nothing but papaya juice, then
discovered it had so many calories, he actually gained weight. A nurse
at a hospital said he ate a lot of vegetables and she never saw him eat
much "junk food".
Mary Jenkins said he liked banana pudding, and the recipe given was
exactly as my mother always made it. He also liked hot dogs with
sauerkraut, and barbecue pizza (regular pizza with barbecued pork and
barbecue sauce on top), and had times when he ate the same thing at
every meal for several days.
A woman who owned a night-club and restaurant in Memphis told how she
used to have a talent contest one night each week, and members of the
audience would come on-stage and perform in competition for a prize. She
said Elvis came in occasionally in disguise and watched the contest. She
said she persuaded him to get up and sing a song, and nobody recognised
him. She said he got "a little applause" when he finished "and that was
it".
I leanred that Elvis was a "borderline" diabetic and had high blood
pressure, that he had a pet chimpanzee (I can see it now... Billy
Stanley asking Vernon what happened to the monkey...) and that he didn't
like fish.
Mary Jenkins said that at 1:55 am on August 16th, she asked him if he
wanted anything to eat. He replied that he didn't, that he was very
tired and just wanted to rest. She said that was the last time she saw
him alive. However, Elvis came to her home one night, she said, and
asked her if he could stay there. She said she told him he was always
welcome to stay at her house, "then he vanished away". This apparently
was the second time Mary saw Elvis after his untimely departure. I
reported a couple of years ago that she said she saw him once at
Graceland.
A woman who was interviewed (for some good reason, I'm sure,
however indecipherable it might be) said she thinks that Elvis faked his
death. She said she saw him in '89 in Hawaii (I told you so!!) and he
was very slim and had grey hair. Two other women also said they had
seen him in Hawaii (pumping gas, no doubt, dressed in one of his
jewelled suits). Well they're wrong. He's there, but his hair is not
grey because he's been doing an Elvis impersonator act at Pete's Pub on
Sunday nights.
I think it would be a great idea if all Elvis fans ate pig's ears and
possum every year on Elvis Day as a sort of memorial rite. Possum might
be a little hard to find for some people, so maybe we could make the
second dish turnip greens or sweet potatoes. Pig's ears you can get at
your local meatery, which is much easier and considerably less messy
than collecting them directly from the pig.
Considering the food Elvis ate, his reported dislike for diets and
exercise, and the fat-storage capability of his body, apparently
inherited from his mother, I can easily understand why he had health
problems. It was all working agaist him, and as strong as his body was,
it finally had all it could take. That's when he moved to Hawaii, and
WOW!... if you could see him now!
ELVIS QUESTIONS Why do fans want to know every little detail about
Elvis? Well, here are some things I want to know: Did he have any
warts he didn't want? Was he ever afflicted with toenail fungus? Did
he ever have a problem with flatulence on stage? Dis he ever hit his
thumb with a hammer while trying to drive a nail? Did he kill the pig
at Graceland, or did Vernon do it? Did he ever pick cotton, and how
much could he pick in a day? Did he really dislike Robert Goulet? Did
he ever have a flat tyre on the way home from a show and find that his
spare was also devoid of air, requiring him to spend the night on the
shoulder of the highway with Scotty and Bill? Where did his tears go?
Are there Elvis tears still in the carpet of Graceland, or have they all
been washed out by carpet cleaners?
If you're an Elvis fan, or if you aren't, think about this. There is a
very good possibility that you have in your body at this very moment
actual atoms that were once in Elvis. We expell atoms with every
breath, with perspiration and with the microscopic flakes of skin that
leave our bodies constantly and drift about the air to be inhailed and
assimilated by someone else. If you ever attended an Elvis show, it's
very likely that you still retain some of the atoms you inhaled. Atoms
are never destroyed except in a nuclear explosion, so you may also have
some Frank Sinatra or Bill Clinton atoms in you, and no telling who else
Hitler, Napolean, Alexander the So-So... even Marilyn Monroe. I could
dig that.
If you've ever been to one of my shows, you probably absorbed some of my
atoms, and I guess, I have some of yours. I remember a beutiful girl
with long black hair who asked me for an autograph at The Life Club in
Munderkingen, Germany. And a beutiful blonde at, I think it was called
the Worthington Social Club, who kissed me on the cheek before the show,
and I did the whole show not knowing her lip prints were on my fae. It's
for sure that I absorbed some of their atoms. Wow, this is getting
romantic!
The point of all this is to show you a new way to enjoy your heroes.
When you are around someone you really admire, take losts of deep
breaths and you'll suck in tiny actual pieces of that person which will
eventually get into your bloodstream and be carried to the most private
areas of your self. At the same time you'll also be collecting pieces
of people you can't stand the sight of, but all you can do is stay as
far away from them as possible. Sometime when you're in a thoughtful
mood, make a list of all those people whose atoms you almost certainly
have absorbed. I just had a ghastly thought... I have been in the
company of the Editor several times, and there's no telling how many of
his cooties are crawling around in my constitution. That's probably why
I write tyre instead of tire, programme instead of program and humour
instead of humor. So rest in peace, Elvis... you'll be a part of us
forever.
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